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I feel guilty when I go long periods without writing
And lately I've been thinking about my blog title
Echoes of Lost Generations and how I'm falling victim to the very thing
That I promised to overcome
Scared to speak on certain things for fear of what others think
And this being the very thing that plagues human kind
Secrets getting buried, knowledge not shared and our young come up blind from truth
And today I want to speak on some things
I want to let men everywhere know that it takes unimaginable power to committ to your woman
And they think it strange when I dont look when they whistle at a fine female that walks by
I actually feel awkward being in the same circle as those
But feel guilty because I imagine that it should be normal for me to look and drool
I recently watched a movie about a guy teaching ballroom dancing to troubled highschool kids
He said that young men are less likely to violate or disrespect women if they are familiar with biegn close to them
Close enough to spin a few hours around the dance floor seductively and never go beyond that point
He said your 16 year old daughter was less likely to get knocked up because she would respect the beauty of her body, she would be used to the excitement of being close to a male and no how to control her emotions
And maybe that's how I got to be the way I am
Not from dancing, but from being an artist (painting and drawing)
I've always had that closeness more so with older women
I remember in highschool being comissioned to do a project and the older women that hired me
Would walk by and brush against me
And I knew she was flirting but couldnt understand why someone so elegant and beautiful
Would put me or herself in that situation, I eventually stopped going to her house
I've seen her since and there is a very high level of respect between us now
Almost like she thanks me silently for not allowing her to go there
And I thank her for the time she took to help me develop my business ethics
I've been called gay by both males and females in the past
Because of the fact that I never let lust or sexual desires control me
I want to pass these thoughts on to the generations to come
I pray that my sons can adopt my views on sexuality
I was in college before I had sex for the first time
A french exchange student that the entire campus admired and wanted to be with
And We hooked up by what seemed like an accident
She was in my art class and I was scared to talk to her
My heart beat fast each time she would come
Then I found out that she was just like me, alone in a new enviroment needing a friend
So we hang out and had fun as friends for a long time
And the night we actually slept together started our downfall
The friendship was always there but it was never the same after that point
She later moved back to france and we havent spoken since
I went through my heartache and deppression as a result
So since that first experience at 21yrs old, I've known sex to be a bond for marraige
Sex in any other context only led to complications, jealousy, stress, and heartache
These things that I am speaking of now are not intended to say I miss anyone
Nor that I am stuck in some past relationship or fantasy
But rather to share my experiences so that they may inspire others to do the right thing towards women
And now even in marraige there are things that you deal with daily as a man
Most recently I condition myself to enjoy my wife's presence
Even when I'm too tired for conversation I may sneek a glance here and there
Walk by and brush up against her or even grab at her harmlessly
I think of all the business meetings I've been in and the dudes I was with stop midsentence
'Did you see that!" And they show no shame in staring at some hot female until she is out of sight
Although they pick up the conversation where we left off
I've lost respect for them and depending on what the female was wearing I pray for them
That they read the bible and finding the verse that says to dress modestly and with shamefacedness
I asked people one time to imagine me going out with some shorts on
The buldge of my crotch showing from the way they fit, hinting towards my special package
A small tank top in which the outline of my muscles show and some sandals on
And although I mean no harm, it will cause stress if girls approach me or constantly stare while I'm with her
So in the same breath that's why I expect my wife to dress modestly (which she does a great job of I may add)
And I do the same. It creates a mutual respect and a stress free enviroment at home
So when I'm not whistling or turning my head at every female that walks by,
I'm okay, I'm not gay, I'm respecting my wife
I'm respecting my son's who know me as the only lover of their mother
I'm showing them how to respect their love interest
And inside of me there is a voice that says to look
There is a voice that says to approach and talk to them
There is a voice that says to slap 5 with your homeboys so they know you acknowledged what had just went down
But even louder is the voice of my upbringing,
The cry of my son who I stayed up with may nights to help raise
The many struggles that my wife has went through with me
And that voice tells me to smile because I got what I need
I've paid my dues and went through the stress of being hindreds of miles apart
The stress of wondering if her ex was still lurking while I was away
And her mom even gave the ex my home number before
Even then I wasnt worried, I've always maintained that i could only do as good as God allowed me
And if that good wasnt good enough
I wouldnt blame myself for losing a love one
I know so many young men who were good men
Loyal, innocent, naive and whose wives cheated and left them
And they spend the remaining years of their life blaming themselves
Scared to trust other females
Some become the same never committing again, some alienate themselves
But rarely do they get over it
So this message is to encourage husbands to love unconditionally
When she rants and raves, simple whisper I love you and let it go
Kiss them the next morning and whisper I love you again
Do this as often as you can and very soon, she will look at you
And whisper I love you too.
I've experienced first hand the power of unconditional love
no amount of friends, family or finance can overcome the power of true love
And when you both learn the art of it your relationship will prosper and grow
I guess you say that "everybody looks"
And you are right. We all do. both male and female
But we dont all have the same after thoughts
I've prepared several mental responses for the occasion,
And none of them include long after thoughts
I call them mental compliments
I guess while I'm here and I got your attention I can speak on the subject of split personalities
People always put it on Gemini's such as myself to have those traits
But I believe that it lies withing each of us
I get tired of it but seem to have no choice at times
My wife loves the romantic Mario D. Robinson
The streets embrace the artistic De'Blak
Corporate America and IBM loves the loyalty of Mario
And small businesses and private commissioners all admire the services Mario D'Andre provides
So why cant I be all of the above?
Why is it taboo to be so many different things to so many different people
Why cant people understand that I cant be any of the above 100% of the time
And I imagine that we all have similar stories
The best I can do is divide my days up and give my best
When its time to pay bills I'm the working Mario D'Andre
And he clashes with the romantic side because my wife would want him gone at home
Then a business partner may call and want to discuss some new venture
And at that point I'm tied up into a knot so tight that it seems impossible to get free
My wife silent filled with anger
My paycheck lessening because I cant focus on work
My business suffering because I cant complete needed task
And after all of this I wonder if there is a solution?
Right now, I have none.
I have to be all of the above
Those around me will either learn to understand or they will eventually exclude themselves from my presence
So no matter if you are a mom or dad part time, a working citizen, and a romatic fun loving freak!
You should have the right to be those things to all those people
In life I guess different people will need us for different things
So in conclusion I intend to make the theory that..,
We are all Gemini!
One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
http://echoesoflostgenerations.blogspot.com
http://www.zealotdandresdream.com/homepg.html
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