Echoes of My Generation: Journal 017 10/24/06

I've been spending too much time watching web TV
I'm watching old Kung-Fu episodes right now
I had a very tiring weekend in which I didnt get much accomplished
My mother-in-law and her husband came for the weekend
My son was having his last football game
One of my pet peeves is having my days planned for me
Having people tell me what my schedule is
Especially when my schedule was already previously set
And people get mad at you because ceratin things were already planned and you wont change it
So I spent the weekend compromising between mine and their schedules
Me and my son were at the football field 2 hrs early for his 11am game
It was so cold that we both shivered in our coats for the entire morning
I watched as the Pee-Wee team players cried because of the cold
One of the star players came out crying refusing to go back into the game
One Coach told him to rub his hands together
The other told him to stick them in his pants
The kid looked so confused before finally sticking them in the front of his pants
(Which is where I would naturally stick mine)
Then my son played and they lost terribly
I cant even remember the score
He ran well and had a few yards and a few tackles
I think the presence of his grandmother motivated him
She's as nice as she wants to be
Only she likes to give orders 24/7
I've grown accustomed to her by now and usually respectfully decline or refer other people
It's my son's last football game and she wants me to go move her car closer
Its right after halftime, the beginning of the 3rd quarter
And I dont think anything outside of physical harm of a family member can get me to miss anypart of this game
She wants me to move the cars closer so they dont have to walk after the game
I want so bad to inform her that me and my family have no problem walking
Each saturday we walk to where ever we park (doesnt take longer than 5min)
But I smile and kind of shrug off the notion
Me and my youngest son move down the field to watch the remainder of the last game
And all weekend it's "can you put my coke in the freezer"
"Can you start the DVD player", "Can you put my sweater in the dryer" ,"can you turn the TV up"
"Can you hand me this, hand me that.... etc.."
And I realize where my wife gets that from
We had difficulties in our first year of marraige over that
We could be in the same 10 feet area and she would ask me to get her a glass of water
I know that sounds small, but do that repeatedly and see if your mind dont start wondering
It's not a bad thing as much as its annoying
I love doing things for the ones I love, but at the same time
There is a fine line bewteen, I need your help,
and I want you to do it for me because I dont want to
Or maybe there is a group of people who are so infatuated with a man waiting on them
Hand and foot that they abuse the ones that are closest to them
With nonstop nagging and chore request
If someone is sick, then that is another story
I am at your beckoning call at that point
If you are busy with work or another chore then I am at your service
But please dont be lying on the couch snuggled watching TV or something of that nature
and expect me to stop what I'm doing
My reasoning is that my time is just as valuable as yours
I treat others as I want to be treated
I seldom ask anybody to do anything that I cant do myself
I know that when I get old and feeble that I will need to use that
Dont want people tired of me now
As long as I can do for myself I will make every effort
I guess a lot of you dont remember when your mom or dad did you like that as a child
Go get this, run and get that, hand me the remote so I can dial the TV!...
I make it a point not to treat my kids that way
If I ask them to do something, I truly need their help
Dont want this blog coming off angry
Just want to invoke a little thought
There may be othes that are in danger of pushing those closest to them away
Simply because they are overbearing
Because they are the cause of that persons stress
Evaluate each situation you face and determine the type / amount of help you truly need
Learn to make confident decisions as a leader of self
And then you will eventually begin to successfully lead others.

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
www.zealotdandresdream.com
www.mdrart.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 016 10/17/06

I feel guilty when I go long periods without writing
And lately I've been thinking about my blog title
Echoes of Lost Generations and how I'm falling victim to the very thing
That I promised to overcome
Scared to speak on certain things for fear of what others think
And this being the very thing that plagues human kind
Secrets getting buried, knowledge not shared and our young come up blind from truth
And today I want to speak on some things
I want to let men everywhere know that it takes unimaginable power to committ to your woman
And they think it strange when I dont look when they whistle at a fine female that walks by
I actually feel awkward being in the same circle as those
But feel guilty because I imagine that it should be normal for me to look and drool
I recently watched a movie about a guy teaching ballroom dancing to troubled highschool kids
He said that young men are less likely to violate or disrespect women if they are familiar with biegn close to them
Close enough to spin a few hours around the dance floor seductively and never go beyond that point
He said your 16 year old daughter was less likely to get knocked up because she would respect the beauty of her body, she would be used to the excitement of being close to a male and no how to control her emotions
And maybe that's how I got to be the way I am
Not from dancing, but from being an artist (painting and drawing)
I've always had that closeness more so with older women
I remember in highschool being comissioned to do a project and the older women that hired me
Would walk by and brush against me
And I knew she was flirting but couldnt understand why someone so elegant and beautiful
Would put me or herself in that situation, I eventually stopped going to her house
I've seen her since and there is a very high level of respect between us now
Almost like she thanks me silently for not allowing her to go there
And I thank her for the time she took to help me develop my business ethics
I've been called gay by both males and females in the past
Because of the fact that I never let lust or sexual desires control me
I want to pass these thoughts on to the generations to come
I pray that my sons can adopt my views on sexuality
I was in college before I had sex for the first time
A french exchange student that the entire campus admired and wanted to be with
And We hooked up by what seemed like an accident
She was in my art class and I was scared to talk to her
My heart beat fast each time she would come
Then I found out that she was just like me, alone in a new enviroment needing a friend
So we hang out and had fun as friends for a long time
And the night we actually slept together started our downfall
The friendship was always there but it was never the same after that point
She later moved back to france and we havent spoken since
I went through my heartache and deppression as a result
So since that first experience at 21yrs old, I've known sex to be a bond for marraige
Sex in any other context only led to complications, jealousy, stress, and heartache
These things that I am speaking of now are not intended to say I miss anyone
Nor that I am stuck in some past relationship or fantasy
But rather to share my experiences so that they may inspire others to do the right thing towards women
And now even in marraige there are things that you deal with daily as a man
Most recently I condition myself to enjoy my wife's presence
Even when I'm too tired for conversation I may sneek a glance here and there
Walk by and brush up against her or even grab at her harmlessly
I think of all the business meetings I've been in and the dudes I was with stop midsentence
'Did you see that!" And they show no shame in staring at some hot female until she is out of sight
Although they pick up the conversation where we left off
I've lost respect for them and depending on what the female was wearing I pray for them
That they read the bible and finding the verse that says to dress modestly and with shamefacedness
I asked people one time to imagine me going out with some shorts on
The buldge of my crotch showing from the way they fit, hinting towards my special package
A small tank top in which the outline of my muscles show and some sandals on
And although I mean no harm, it will cause stress if girls approach me or constantly stare while I'm with her
So in the same breath that's why I expect my wife to dress modestly (which she does a great job of I may add)
And I do the same. It creates a mutual respect and a stress free enviroment at home
So when I'm not whistling or turning my head at every female that walks by,
I'm okay, I'm not gay, I'm respecting my wife
I'm respecting my son's who know me as the only lover of their mother
I'm showing them how to respect their love interest
And inside of me there is a voice that says to look
There is a voice that says to approach and talk to them
There is a voice that says to slap 5 with your homeboys so they know you acknowledged what had just went down
But even louder is the voice of my upbringing,
The cry of my son who I stayed up with may nights to help raise
The many struggles that my wife has went through with me
And that voice tells me to smile because I got what I need
I've paid my dues and went through the stress of being hindreds of miles apart
The stress of wondering if her ex was still lurking while I was away
And her mom even gave the ex my home number before
Even then I wasnt worried, I've always maintained that i could only do as good as God allowed me
And if that good wasnt good enough
I wouldnt blame myself for losing a love one
I know so many young men who were good men
Loyal, innocent, naive and whose wives cheated and left them
And they spend the remaining years of their life blaming themselves
Scared to trust other females
Some become the same never committing again, some alienate themselves
But rarely do they get over it
So this message is to encourage husbands to love unconditionally
When she rants and raves, simple whisper I love you and let it go
Kiss them the next morning and whisper I love you again
Do this as often as you can and very soon, she will look at you
And whisper I love you too.
I've experienced first hand the power of unconditional love
no amount of friends, family or finance can overcome the power of true love
And when you both learn the art of it your relationship will prosper and grow
I guess you say that "everybody looks"
And you are right. We all do. both male and female
But we dont all have the same after thoughts
I've prepared several mental responses for the occasion,
And none of them include long after thoughts
I call them mental compliments
I guess while I'm here and I got your attention I can speak on the subject of split personalities
People always put it on Gemini's such as myself to have those traits
But I believe that it lies withing each of us
I get tired of it but seem to have no choice at times
My wife loves the romantic Mario D. Robinson
The streets embrace the artistic De'Blak
Corporate America and IBM loves the loyalty of Mario
And small businesses and private commissioners all admire the services Mario D'Andre provides
So why cant I be all of the above?
Why is it taboo to be so many different things to so many different people
Why cant people understand that I cant be any of the above 100% of the time
And I imagine that we all have similar stories
The best I can do is divide my days up and give my best
When its time to pay bills I'm the working Mario D'Andre
And he clashes with the romantic side because my wife would want him gone at home
Then a business partner may call and want to discuss some new venture
And at that point I'm tied up into a knot so tight that it seems impossible to get free
My wife silent filled with anger
My paycheck lessening because I cant focus on work
My business suffering because I cant complete needed task
And after all of this I wonder if there is a solution?
Right now, I have none.
I have to be all of the above
Those around me will either learn to understand or they will eventually exclude themselves from my presence
So no matter if you are a mom or dad part time, a working citizen, and a romatic fun loving freak!
You should have the right to be those things to all those people
In life I guess different people will need us for different things
So in conclusion I intend to make the theory that..,
We are all Gemini!

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
http://echoesoflostgenerations.blogspot.com
http://www.zealotdandresdream.com/homepg.html

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 015 10/03/06

Its been some time since I've written
Maybe too much has been going on
Seems like everywhere around me people are asking for money
And it takes every ounce of my energy to continue living around those request
Paying those who I can and thanking those who I cant for their time lol!
Funny thanking a bill collector for calling, they are taking away by that
And in the process of all this I have several business ventures and investments going
Trying with all my might to diversify my portfolio
Spreading my talents and money out across ventures
Almost like I have to build my own retirement
So I'm painting again! it's a wonderful feeling
I'm designing websites very selectively
Doing graphic design for those in need
I'm listening to Sleepy Brown's album now
It's a refreshing grown folk offering that hasn’t been heard for quite some time!
I'm excited about it.I also listened to Monica's new album.
Sounds like she backtracked.
Her older albums were more mature.
Her notes were more beautiful and her arrangements were more complex.
Ludacris' new album was ok.
I wouldn’t buy it but I'm proud of it
It offers some well orated messages and nice tracks
But still nothing I can ride my family to and listen throughout
I still haven’t picked up the idlewild CD
Nor the Roots
The longer I wait the further I get behind in CD's I want to purchase
I never did pick up Jean Grae's album
I managed to get a small vacation this weekend
Me and my wife went to Gatlinburg, TN (forgot to take any pictures!)
we had a great time and got to spend some quality time away from kids, work, and business
I think all couples should do that often as we now plan to do
We bought into a timeshare while there
At least for the moment we are owners.
My wife has 10 days to change her mind as the downpayment was made on her credit
I think they are wonderful ways to invest and save money
While saving most people end up spending any money that they have immediate access to
With property you basically pay each month and build equity
The money is very hard to get in cash format
And ultimately forces you to save $10,000 or more dollars in less than 10 years
I suggest you all do that if you can afford it.
Email me or contact me if you want more info and a free vacation (transportation and food excluded)
While in Gatlinburg, I experienced a great many things for the first time
I felt what whites must feel like when in areas or events that’s 98% black
I gained respect for their awkward looks and nervous actions
In Gatlinburg it seemed like I was the darkest thing for miles
I felt uneasy like I wouldn’t be accepted or that I wouldn’t be treated fairly
I immediately apologized in my heart for making fun of whites in the same situation
I felt how easy it was to feel out of place
Even for my two white sister-in-laws that we drag where ever we go sometimes not thinking of how they feel
The best part about it was that in 99% of the situations I was in, the people turned out to be friendly
They showed us love as if we were family
We had two older white couples sit next to us at the dinner theatre
And they cracked jokes right along with us
They were on wedding anniversary dates.
Both married for over 30 years I think!
And to see them still in the prime of love was inspirational
We laughed until our jaws ached!
The star of the play taking extra time to pick with me an my wife
Once again I thought of how the black comedy clubs singled out oddballs
And humiliated them
So I naturally expected to get made fun of
It was totally opposite and I apologized for my thoughts once again
We had front row seats free (courtesy of the Time Share co we had just joined)
And the actors / comedian made us feel right at home
I got a chance to see Ripley’s theater while there
I was rather disappointed at that, nothing outside of what we've already seen on television
My first moving theater experience was great
We did a flight simulator and had a great time being flipped and turned every way but loose
Only I farted right after they locked me and my wife into the compartment! lol!
And I forgot to take my business cards, credit cards and drivers license out of my pocket
So we are just spinning and screaming and all my cards start snowing all inside the simulator
So I spent the last half of the ride hanging upside down from my seat belts
grabbing at cards in the air and all around me!
When they unlocked it and let us out, the guy said "Are you Mario"
I'm wondering how he knows my name when he hands me my MasterCard!
He said "You lost your card in there buddy!"
It was a beautiful weekend overall and the quality time spent with my wife was great!
Each time we travel it feels like a fresh start and you can feel the love growing
I did get a call from work on Friday about an incident
of which I unknowingly was given all of the blame while away
I couldn’t allow myself to get mad because that's only wasted energy
So now I just focus on improving,
whether that means moving on from IBM or moving up within IBMI will have been at IBM for 6 years this month
And if a change doesn’t happen soon I fear the end
Life is so beautiful right now though
My two boys are the highlight of my day!
My wife who is a self admitted "kiss-a-holic" lights up my evenings and nights and mornings and days
She called me this morning and reminded me that I forgot to kiss her before I left
Sometimes I do it just to break the mold
I'm the type that cant stand doing the same routine day in and day outI dress, brush my teeth, kiss my wife while she sleeps, she barely moves but whispers little things,
I leave for work, clients run my blood pressure up,
I go home, straighten up , cook dinner (or at least feed my youngest son until my wife can cook),
take them to football practice, come home shower, eat my dinner, talk with my wife until she falls asleep,
do whatever work I can until I fall asleep and then get up and repeat process....
If my life follows this pattern for more than a week I begin to go crazy!!!
I have to switch it up sometimesso I make extra attempts not to fall victim to routine...
Maybe that’s a problem I need counseling about or maybe not
I have a conference call in a few so I'll log off.

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
http://echoesoflostgenerations.blogspot.com/
http://www.myspace.com/deblak