Echoes of My Generation: Journal 001 05/08/06

I woke up this morning to the sounds of my son, Jett calling Da-Da
His tone getting more and more frustrated
And by the time I managed to scratch the crust out my eyes and get him
He had prepared a nice diaper full of stinky stinky for me
And actually laughed as I changed him!
He hasnt been feeling well lately
Decided to throw his milk up on my wrist and carpet at 6am!
So I decide to head for work and put him next to my wife
Who was using every force she could draw to try and sleep through our noise
But she had to know we were going to wake her up
We had a great show this weekend
I was working the front area so missed the majority of it
I guess I will catch the DVD
Sometimes my head is so full of thoughts that I can barely stay awake
Cant concentrate on anyone thing
I've begin a new journey as an MC
Had given up chasing the microphone to help other's persue their careers
But lately the urge to write, perform and produce has been to strong
And channeling my energy through others is a long drawn out process
Which tests my patience often
So i've decided to touch the mic again,
I want to speak from a spiritual point of view
I want to touch on the subject of struggle and misfortune
I want to give everyone a mirror image of themselves on CD
How hard can that be?
It's hard balancing a wife, kids, a company, a 9-5 with IBM, and a barrel fll of clients all asking for my attention every minute of every day
I figured out a long time ago tha crying, screaming nor fighting will help
You just have to brace yourself and take the onslaught
Do the work and feel the triumph in the end
I think often that I want to change the world
I want to make just one big difference
I focus on that and maybe one day it will happen
I want to prove that a man can have one wife, a family and a successful career
Without blowing it all on one night of passion with an ex
or drinking it all away, smoking it away neither wasting it away
I want to be a role model for my kids and their friends
I want to live to see them old and have kids
I have a few people close to me who I push for so hard
Want that they should never fall or fail, so I almost force my friendship on them
And lately I think that it isnt the right thing to do
So today I stand torn
I miss them terribly in their absence
And that absence is constant
So maybe I should allow myself to move on
It's been a great year so far so i have no real complaints
Everything is working itself out
It's my brother's birthday tonight and I dont have nothing for him
Beside's "his" lawnmower that "he" lets me borrow to cut my grass.
Would be wrong to drop that of at his house while yelling happy b-day out the window!
I'm wondering now if happiness has to be a choice?
because sometimes I am regardless of whether I want to be or not
And sometimes I just dont want to be
Some of my strongest songs come when I am facing obsacles
My words have a peircing effect following a season of hardships.
Maybe thats why it seems that everytime I make a come up something comes along and sets me back on common ground...