Echoes of My Generation: Journal 019 12/19/06

This has been one of the toughest two periods I've experienced this year
On last Sunday I woke up early not wanting to get out of bed
But I hadnt been to church in months
I had committed to driving my father when he preaches out of town at least 2x a month
And I was feeling guilty for not holding true to that
It seemed that every Sunday something came up
So on this Sunday I dressed myself and my youngest son and went to meet my dad
We drove 1hr 30min to Griffin GA
My mom, my youngest son, and I went to Mcdonalds while my dad hosted the church radio broadcast
For a moment I thought of when I was younger and we traveled with my father
We would be so hungry but didnt have much money for eating
And on this Sunday my dad went straight to the radio station
I decided to drop him off and feed my son because Ididnt want him experiencing what I had
My mom was hungry as well and came along.
After the broadcast we had Sunday School and then the church service
My Son flirted with the girls behind us the entire Sunday School
I've never seen a one year old so silly!
it was funny how the people there who hadnt seen me in a long time seem surprised
They never knew I had a son
And being the old school church type they asked with suspiscion...
'Are you married?"
As if I was destined for hell and high water if I had a kid with no wife
They looked relieved as I replied yes, my wife and my other son are at home.
I felt like the old school church mother when my son decided he wanted to show out during the sermon
So I raised that classic church finger and took him outside to tell him some things
He gave me a look like "I'm sorry, just dont spank me again and I'll be good!"
It was the saddest yet cutest stunt he's ever pulled off.
So we went back in to enjoy the sermon (only old school church people will know about taking the kids outside to discipline them during the service.)
He eventually went to sleep while my father remained preaching his heart out
He was running around the pulpit, sittting down, standing back up
Coming into the crowd, shouting, yelling, halfway singing (just like old times)
He jumped high into the air yelling and seemed to land awkwardly
And when he was finished the church was still shouting and praising
When the minister stood him up to put his overcoat on...
He collapsed!!
I froze in my seat, while they rushed around him!
Some of the mothers and sisters screamed as if the holy ghost itself had jumped on him
His face showed obvious pain
And I later found out that when they straightened his legs out, he passed out from the pain...
I heard someone ask "Is he breathing?!"
My mom came to me with a few tears in her eyes. She wiped them and said "he hurt his legs but they dont know it. they didnt see it happen..."
She got my son so I could go to him
It was annoying the way the ladies were pulling on my arm crying,
Holding each other and crying telling me 100 things I should do
There was one older lady in particular who was so nice and helpful
We got my fathers keys from his pocket and she got in the backseat with my son
And I drove with my mom in the passenger seat as the mother in the back gave directions
During the entire ordeal my son seemed unphased
His first reaction was to look at me and yell "Eat! Dad-da Eat!! Eeeeaaat!"
I smiled at his response and it calmed me a lot.
I fed him his snack and changed his diaper in the emergency room
We later found out that he had ruptured his Achilles tendon
Most of my family made the long drive that night to visit him
I thanked God that something had told me to get up and drive him that morning
The hospitial "Spaulding Regional Medical Center in Griffin, GA" SUCKED@!!&^!@
He sat in pain until thursday when they finally got a correct diagnosis
We argued and fussed to get him transfered to Atlanat to no success
We emailed the hospital administrator and everything, and finally got results
I'm leaving a lot of detail out but it was a hard week
Me and my mom even slept in the car the first night there because they told her
She couldnt sleep in the room with him at 10:30 that night (why didnt they tell us earlier when we could have arranged for someone to take her home or give her a place to stay)
My father was and still is in a lot of pain
He is embarrased to go use the restroom now
Luckily we have a very open relationship with our father and we can joke about it
And keep him laughing, but I know it s hard on him.
He is stuck in the bed for a while now and cant walk or move his legs
I take him movies every day to watch
So we need your prayers...
And on top of all that last night my son drank some bug spray and had to be rushed to the emerency room
I was in the studio making tracks and I heard my wife calling me
And I was like "here we go again"
The only thing that kept me cool was his playfulness.
He nver acted like he was poisoned so I didnt have a feeling like he was dying
The docter confirmed and we came home..
Its been a hard two weeks!!!

One Love
Mario D'andre Robinson
www.mdrart.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 018 12/04/06

It's been over a month since I've written anything
Way too much has been going on and my thoughts have been everywhere
It was either censor my blogs or just dont write
I had some internal things to work out
I just had lunch in the IBM cafe and got bad vibes
They were from this one lady who is always there eating and cursing throughout her meals
It seems as if each day she has a new reason to be in snap mode
She almost mesed my meal up for me.
I had to tune her out because for a while my cornbread was getting on my nerves
It was hard and I wanted my money back. lol
But I shook the negativity and simply put it in the microwave for a few seconds
this has reinforced my beliefs that we are influenced by our enviroments
and unless we meditate and focus on the positive
we can so easily be consumed by wayward thoughts and ill feelings
I have a lot of work to do before 07
A lot of admin / business type things to wrap up
and there is so much I want to discuss as I havent written in ages
I'm wearing my wedding ring again
I had stopped due to eczema that breaks out each time that I wear it
The same thing happens with watchs that are too tight
So I suffer just so I can please those who need a ring to make their marraige legit
I've never understood why a ring symbolizes the marraige
As if when it comes off the marraige is no longer valid?
And at that moment right there all of the hope put into the finger garment is voided.
I watched The Devils Playground a doucmentary on Amish lifestyle
And their men grow their beards to symbolize marraige
I imagine that so many cultures have so many different ways to show it
And I wonder how many just have the husband and wife
On one accord, loving eachother the right way
Providing for each other, never cheating on each other, faithful until the end
No beards, no rings, no tatoos, just two people in unconditional love
until death do they part...
Thats romance to me, thats the thing that silver anniversaries are made of
When humans can get past outward appearances and formalities of the flesh
When we can get past the concept of orgainized religion
Only then can we embrace our differences and truly love one another
And I guess for now, I'm wearing my ring once again
And when the heat comes and my hands sweat, the eczema will return
And then I wont wear my ring until my hand is better
Only I want you to know that my marraige is so much more than this metal around my finger
It cannot begin to symbolze the struggle, the triumph, the excitement, the passion and the pain
That mine or any marrage consist of
Its like a needle in a silver haystack
And i guess that's all I'll discuss in this blog

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
http://www.myspace.com/mdrart
http://www.zealotdandresdream.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 017 10/24/06

I've been spending too much time watching web TV
I'm watching old Kung-Fu episodes right now
I had a very tiring weekend in which I didnt get much accomplished
My mother-in-law and her husband came for the weekend
My son was having his last football game
One of my pet peeves is having my days planned for me
Having people tell me what my schedule is
Especially when my schedule was already previously set
And people get mad at you because ceratin things were already planned and you wont change it
So I spent the weekend compromising between mine and their schedules
Me and my son were at the football field 2 hrs early for his 11am game
It was so cold that we both shivered in our coats for the entire morning
I watched as the Pee-Wee team players cried because of the cold
One of the star players came out crying refusing to go back into the game
One Coach told him to rub his hands together
The other told him to stick them in his pants
The kid looked so confused before finally sticking them in the front of his pants
(Which is where I would naturally stick mine)
Then my son played and they lost terribly
I cant even remember the score
He ran well and had a few yards and a few tackles
I think the presence of his grandmother motivated him
She's as nice as she wants to be
Only she likes to give orders 24/7
I've grown accustomed to her by now and usually respectfully decline or refer other people
It's my son's last football game and she wants me to go move her car closer
Its right after halftime, the beginning of the 3rd quarter
And I dont think anything outside of physical harm of a family member can get me to miss anypart of this game
She wants me to move the cars closer so they dont have to walk after the game
I want so bad to inform her that me and my family have no problem walking
Each saturday we walk to where ever we park (doesnt take longer than 5min)
But I smile and kind of shrug off the notion
Me and my youngest son move down the field to watch the remainder of the last game
And all weekend it's "can you put my coke in the freezer"
"Can you start the DVD player", "Can you put my sweater in the dryer" ,"can you turn the TV up"
"Can you hand me this, hand me that.... etc.."
And I realize where my wife gets that from
We had difficulties in our first year of marraige over that
We could be in the same 10 feet area and she would ask me to get her a glass of water
I know that sounds small, but do that repeatedly and see if your mind dont start wondering
It's not a bad thing as much as its annoying
I love doing things for the ones I love, but at the same time
There is a fine line bewteen, I need your help,
and I want you to do it for me because I dont want to
Or maybe there is a group of people who are so infatuated with a man waiting on them
Hand and foot that they abuse the ones that are closest to them
With nonstop nagging and chore request
If someone is sick, then that is another story
I am at your beckoning call at that point
If you are busy with work or another chore then I am at your service
But please dont be lying on the couch snuggled watching TV or something of that nature
and expect me to stop what I'm doing
My reasoning is that my time is just as valuable as yours
I treat others as I want to be treated
I seldom ask anybody to do anything that I cant do myself
I know that when I get old and feeble that I will need to use that
Dont want people tired of me now
As long as I can do for myself I will make every effort
I guess a lot of you dont remember when your mom or dad did you like that as a child
Go get this, run and get that, hand me the remote so I can dial the TV!...
I make it a point not to treat my kids that way
If I ask them to do something, I truly need their help
Dont want this blog coming off angry
Just want to invoke a little thought
There may be othes that are in danger of pushing those closest to them away
Simply because they are overbearing
Because they are the cause of that persons stress
Evaluate each situation you face and determine the type / amount of help you truly need
Learn to make confident decisions as a leader of self
And then you will eventually begin to successfully lead others.

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
www.zealotdandresdream.com
www.mdrart.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 016 10/17/06

I feel guilty when I go long periods without writing
And lately I've been thinking about my blog title
Echoes of Lost Generations and how I'm falling victim to the very thing
That I promised to overcome
Scared to speak on certain things for fear of what others think
And this being the very thing that plagues human kind
Secrets getting buried, knowledge not shared and our young come up blind from truth
And today I want to speak on some things
I want to let men everywhere know that it takes unimaginable power to committ to your woman
And they think it strange when I dont look when they whistle at a fine female that walks by
I actually feel awkward being in the same circle as those
But feel guilty because I imagine that it should be normal for me to look and drool
I recently watched a movie about a guy teaching ballroom dancing to troubled highschool kids
He said that young men are less likely to violate or disrespect women if they are familiar with biegn close to them
Close enough to spin a few hours around the dance floor seductively and never go beyond that point
He said your 16 year old daughter was less likely to get knocked up because she would respect the beauty of her body, she would be used to the excitement of being close to a male and no how to control her emotions
And maybe that's how I got to be the way I am
Not from dancing, but from being an artist (painting and drawing)
I've always had that closeness more so with older women
I remember in highschool being comissioned to do a project and the older women that hired me
Would walk by and brush against me
And I knew she was flirting but couldnt understand why someone so elegant and beautiful
Would put me or herself in that situation, I eventually stopped going to her house
I've seen her since and there is a very high level of respect between us now
Almost like she thanks me silently for not allowing her to go there
And I thank her for the time she took to help me develop my business ethics
I've been called gay by both males and females in the past
Because of the fact that I never let lust or sexual desires control me
I want to pass these thoughts on to the generations to come
I pray that my sons can adopt my views on sexuality
I was in college before I had sex for the first time
A french exchange student that the entire campus admired and wanted to be with
And We hooked up by what seemed like an accident
She was in my art class and I was scared to talk to her
My heart beat fast each time she would come
Then I found out that she was just like me, alone in a new enviroment needing a friend
So we hang out and had fun as friends for a long time
And the night we actually slept together started our downfall
The friendship was always there but it was never the same after that point
She later moved back to france and we havent spoken since
I went through my heartache and deppression as a result
So since that first experience at 21yrs old, I've known sex to be a bond for marraige
Sex in any other context only led to complications, jealousy, stress, and heartache
These things that I am speaking of now are not intended to say I miss anyone
Nor that I am stuck in some past relationship or fantasy
But rather to share my experiences so that they may inspire others to do the right thing towards women
And now even in marraige there are things that you deal with daily as a man
Most recently I condition myself to enjoy my wife's presence
Even when I'm too tired for conversation I may sneek a glance here and there
Walk by and brush up against her or even grab at her harmlessly
I think of all the business meetings I've been in and the dudes I was with stop midsentence
'Did you see that!" And they show no shame in staring at some hot female until she is out of sight
Although they pick up the conversation where we left off
I've lost respect for them and depending on what the female was wearing I pray for them
That they read the bible and finding the verse that says to dress modestly and with shamefacedness
I asked people one time to imagine me going out with some shorts on
The buldge of my crotch showing from the way they fit, hinting towards my special package
A small tank top in which the outline of my muscles show and some sandals on
And although I mean no harm, it will cause stress if girls approach me or constantly stare while I'm with her
So in the same breath that's why I expect my wife to dress modestly (which she does a great job of I may add)
And I do the same. It creates a mutual respect and a stress free enviroment at home
So when I'm not whistling or turning my head at every female that walks by,
I'm okay, I'm not gay, I'm respecting my wife
I'm respecting my son's who know me as the only lover of their mother
I'm showing them how to respect their love interest
And inside of me there is a voice that says to look
There is a voice that says to approach and talk to them
There is a voice that says to slap 5 with your homeboys so they know you acknowledged what had just went down
But even louder is the voice of my upbringing,
The cry of my son who I stayed up with may nights to help raise
The many struggles that my wife has went through with me
And that voice tells me to smile because I got what I need
I've paid my dues and went through the stress of being hindreds of miles apart
The stress of wondering if her ex was still lurking while I was away
And her mom even gave the ex my home number before
Even then I wasnt worried, I've always maintained that i could only do as good as God allowed me
And if that good wasnt good enough
I wouldnt blame myself for losing a love one
I know so many young men who were good men
Loyal, innocent, naive and whose wives cheated and left them
And they spend the remaining years of their life blaming themselves
Scared to trust other females
Some become the same never committing again, some alienate themselves
But rarely do they get over it
So this message is to encourage husbands to love unconditionally
When she rants and raves, simple whisper I love you and let it go
Kiss them the next morning and whisper I love you again
Do this as often as you can and very soon, she will look at you
And whisper I love you too.
I've experienced first hand the power of unconditional love
no amount of friends, family or finance can overcome the power of true love
And when you both learn the art of it your relationship will prosper and grow
I guess you say that "everybody looks"
And you are right. We all do. both male and female
But we dont all have the same after thoughts
I've prepared several mental responses for the occasion,
And none of them include long after thoughts
I call them mental compliments
I guess while I'm here and I got your attention I can speak on the subject of split personalities
People always put it on Gemini's such as myself to have those traits
But I believe that it lies withing each of us
I get tired of it but seem to have no choice at times
My wife loves the romantic Mario D. Robinson
The streets embrace the artistic De'Blak
Corporate America and IBM loves the loyalty of Mario
And small businesses and private commissioners all admire the services Mario D'Andre provides
So why cant I be all of the above?
Why is it taboo to be so many different things to so many different people
Why cant people understand that I cant be any of the above 100% of the time
And I imagine that we all have similar stories
The best I can do is divide my days up and give my best
When its time to pay bills I'm the working Mario D'Andre
And he clashes with the romantic side because my wife would want him gone at home
Then a business partner may call and want to discuss some new venture
And at that point I'm tied up into a knot so tight that it seems impossible to get free
My wife silent filled with anger
My paycheck lessening because I cant focus on work
My business suffering because I cant complete needed task
And after all of this I wonder if there is a solution?
Right now, I have none.
I have to be all of the above
Those around me will either learn to understand or they will eventually exclude themselves from my presence
So no matter if you are a mom or dad part time, a working citizen, and a romatic fun loving freak!
You should have the right to be those things to all those people
In life I guess different people will need us for different things
So in conclusion I intend to make the theory that..,
We are all Gemini!

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
http://echoesoflostgenerations.blogspot.com
http://www.zealotdandresdream.com/homepg.html

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 015 10/03/06

Its been some time since I've written
Maybe too much has been going on
Seems like everywhere around me people are asking for money
And it takes every ounce of my energy to continue living around those request
Paying those who I can and thanking those who I cant for their time lol!
Funny thanking a bill collector for calling, they are taking away by that
And in the process of all this I have several business ventures and investments going
Trying with all my might to diversify my portfolio
Spreading my talents and money out across ventures
Almost like I have to build my own retirement
So I'm painting again! it's a wonderful feeling
I'm designing websites very selectively
Doing graphic design for those in need
I'm listening to Sleepy Brown's album now
It's a refreshing grown folk offering that hasn’t been heard for quite some time!
I'm excited about it.I also listened to Monica's new album.
Sounds like she backtracked.
Her older albums were more mature.
Her notes were more beautiful and her arrangements were more complex.
Ludacris' new album was ok.
I wouldn’t buy it but I'm proud of it
It offers some well orated messages and nice tracks
But still nothing I can ride my family to and listen throughout
I still haven’t picked up the idlewild CD
Nor the Roots
The longer I wait the further I get behind in CD's I want to purchase
I never did pick up Jean Grae's album
I managed to get a small vacation this weekend
Me and my wife went to Gatlinburg, TN (forgot to take any pictures!)
we had a great time and got to spend some quality time away from kids, work, and business
I think all couples should do that often as we now plan to do
We bought into a timeshare while there
At least for the moment we are owners.
My wife has 10 days to change her mind as the downpayment was made on her credit
I think they are wonderful ways to invest and save money
While saving most people end up spending any money that they have immediate access to
With property you basically pay each month and build equity
The money is very hard to get in cash format
And ultimately forces you to save $10,000 or more dollars in less than 10 years
I suggest you all do that if you can afford it.
Email me or contact me if you want more info and a free vacation (transportation and food excluded)
While in Gatlinburg, I experienced a great many things for the first time
I felt what whites must feel like when in areas or events that’s 98% black
I gained respect for their awkward looks and nervous actions
In Gatlinburg it seemed like I was the darkest thing for miles
I felt uneasy like I wouldn’t be accepted or that I wouldn’t be treated fairly
I immediately apologized in my heart for making fun of whites in the same situation
I felt how easy it was to feel out of place
Even for my two white sister-in-laws that we drag where ever we go sometimes not thinking of how they feel
The best part about it was that in 99% of the situations I was in, the people turned out to be friendly
They showed us love as if we were family
We had two older white couples sit next to us at the dinner theatre
And they cracked jokes right along with us
They were on wedding anniversary dates.
Both married for over 30 years I think!
And to see them still in the prime of love was inspirational
We laughed until our jaws ached!
The star of the play taking extra time to pick with me an my wife
Once again I thought of how the black comedy clubs singled out oddballs
And humiliated them
So I naturally expected to get made fun of
It was totally opposite and I apologized for my thoughts once again
We had front row seats free (courtesy of the Time Share co we had just joined)
And the actors / comedian made us feel right at home
I got a chance to see Ripley’s theater while there
I was rather disappointed at that, nothing outside of what we've already seen on television
My first moving theater experience was great
We did a flight simulator and had a great time being flipped and turned every way but loose
Only I farted right after they locked me and my wife into the compartment! lol!
And I forgot to take my business cards, credit cards and drivers license out of my pocket
So we are just spinning and screaming and all my cards start snowing all inside the simulator
So I spent the last half of the ride hanging upside down from my seat belts
grabbing at cards in the air and all around me!
When they unlocked it and let us out, the guy said "Are you Mario"
I'm wondering how he knows my name when he hands me my MasterCard!
He said "You lost your card in there buddy!"
It was a beautiful weekend overall and the quality time spent with my wife was great!
Each time we travel it feels like a fresh start and you can feel the love growing
I did get a call from work on Friday about an incident
of which I unknowingly was given all of the blame while away
I couldn’t allow myself to get mad because that's only wasted energy
So now I just focus on improving,
whether that means moving on from IBM or moving up within IBMI will have been at IBM for 6 years this month
And if a change doesn’t happen soon I fear the end
Life is so beautiful right now though
My two boys are the highlight of my day!
My wife who is a self admitted "kiss-a-holic" lights up my evenings and nights and mornings and days
She called me this morning and reminded me that I forgot to kiss her before I left
Sometimes I do it just to break the mold
I'm the type that cant stand doing the same routine day in and day outI dress, brush my teeth, kiss my wife while she sleeps, she barely moves but whispers little things,
I leave for work, clients run my blood pressure up,
I go home, straighten up , cook dinner (or at least feed my youngest son until my wife can cook),
take them to football practice, come home shower, eat my dinner, talk with my wife until she falls asleep,
do whatever work I can until I fall asleep and then get up and repeat process....
If my life follows this pattern for more than a week I begin to go crazy!!!
I have to switch it up sometimesso I make extra attempts not to fall victim to routine...
Maybe that’s a problem I need counseling about or maybe not
I have a conference call in a few so I'll log off.

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
http://echoesoflostgenerations.blogspot.com/
http://www.myspace.com/deblak

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 014 09/20/06

I'm feeling today as if I've been letting myself and others down
My company was asked to do a community event last night
One of the artist that I had committed for the event couldnt make it
And so the organizers looked for me to take their place
I had music prepared in case but hadnt really prepared myself for it
I havent performed in so long and dont remember my new material that well
At least the material that I have instrumentals for
And so my business partner Rodney met me and we left for the Dallas, GA community center
We all know the area as "The Projects"
I was immediately asked to "sing" when it was revealed that Lonnie J couldnt make it
Actually I was repeatedly asked and I repeatedly declined
So as the event is starting, the organizer grabs the microphone
And she begins to tell the kids that I was supposed to rap but chickened out
And how maybe they could rap for me because i was so scared
I laughed harder than I had in a long while
But deep inside I felt as if I should have performed something
Before the event started there was a fight between two of the neighborhood girls
And it took some time to get it settled
The organizer later told me that my "singing" (she called rapping singing) may have stopped it
Throughout the remainder of the evening I reflected on her words and she had a point
Music has the ability to calm, to excite, to relax, to motivate and to inspire
And so I have made a pledge to myself
to step in at anytime that I'm unable to secure a performance by one of the artist I work with.
Or at least to have a plan B in place
She was embarrassed because of the fight and I was embarrassed because I had no performance to give her
I watched the kids throughout the evening
Rodney with www.livingunity.org did a great job of interacting with the kids
He knew to get in and get out as soon as their attention started to fade
And then the H.B.O. Crew came back out to dance
I stood around and talked before leaving
I talked to a young lady that I had known from highschool
She was the daughter of the organizer and was just as beautiful as she was in high school
I remember all the guys would talk of wanting to date her
She showed me her 3 boys and her husband (who did an excellent job of difusing the fight situation)
And we talked for longer than we ever had.
I'm not even sure if we had conversations in high school
I liked this feeling of white's and black's coming together to help
A feeling that wasnt really around during my highschool years
So to be able to interact and be apart of someone else's movement filled my heart with joy
And I promise that I will practice my music and keep instrumental CD's ready
I promise that...

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
COO _ Zealot D'Andre's DREAM, LLC
www.zealotdandresdream.com
www.echoesoflostgenerations.blogspot.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 013 09/05/06

Wow! The crocodile hunter is dead?
Is this some new inernet rumor? Some prank to stur up yahoo buzz words?
44 years old, caught by a stingray while underwater.
Out of his element no doubt.
And this past week I've just been wondering if I'm out of my element
I'm an artist simply put.
I have a unique ability to paint things exactly how i see them no matter how great the detail
I'm almost ashamed to say that I havent been using that talent
I've since made a promise to myself
To spend a few hours a week perfecting that talent once again
You'll one day see a local art exhibit boasting the works of Mario D'Andre Robinson
It's been years since I've done an art exhibit
But lately I've been thinking about the importance of using all of my talents
I think the problem was that I was attempting to compile everything into one company
Which as I have found only complicates matters
Things have been great since Zealot D'Andre's DREAM, LLC has focused on Character-Based Entertainment
SO now I want a fine arts company, and possibly a web/graphics company
I like the possibility of expanding brands and opening new doors
As always I will need a team of like minded individuals to assist
My son has been playing little league football ince august
We were told that he could play on scholarship
After I informed the league i couldnt pay the $250 required to play
So now after several games and many weeks of practice
They send me a letter asking for $100
I wonder to myself what makes them think that I have the money for that
And what ever happened to a man keeping his word
So I'm at a crossroads now
By scraping here and there to raise the money am I teaching my son that its alright to allow people to go back on their word
Am I showing him love by continuing to struggle financially so that he can play football for a season
then I wonder what makes them think I have the money
Is it my 2006 Jeep cherokee that I'm leasing
It being one of the major reasons why I'm having to work harder to catch up
It cost me nearly $2,000 in june to get into that
Money I had to borrow and have only just paid back to the lender
I pay almost 2 times what the average car note is each month
Is it the fact that I own a business and a person with a nice website and branded business must have money?
This has been stressing me for weeks now
Just when it looks like I have a plan to get rid of debt
Everything is lined up and ready for action
And here comes more people asking for more money
Right now I'm thinking that I refuse to be bullied or made to think I dont support my kids
And I think my son will learn the bigger lesson this year
That a man's word is his bond
And with no hard feelings, I'll talk to his coach who is a board member for the league
I'm sure there are players who need scholarships just as much as I do
Some need them even more
I remember when I was young, we played for free each year
There was no way that my father could pay for 6 boys to play football at $175 each
It's getting harder to find good honest people these days
Everyone is out to make a dollar
So much stock is being put into the american dollar which is losing value a very fast pace
I wonder if people know whats happening outside of their immediate circles
there are some powerful forces at work around us
And right now, the future doesnt look as bright as they would want us to think
And I have but one goal for the next few years
I want to be debt free. I will be debt free.
I grew up in a time where being poor was just accepted
Even now we brag about the projects and ghettos we come from
I drive through the area where I grew up and its dead now
Houses burned down or vacant, old cars in the driveways for years
Seems like the birds dont even chirp there anymore
And when I lived there we never thought of ourselves as less
It was just accepted that this was our plot in life
I watched a movie called "The Boys of Baraka" and was deeply touched
20 kids were pulled from the roughest schools of Baltimore, MD
They were shipped to kenya to attend school for two years
It was amazing to watch the transformation of the boys
Who learned how to work out indifferences with words
they learned what it felt like to be loved
And when they returned home for the summer
They were told that the school was closing and they had to return to their normal lives
I was hurt at how it was just another let down in their lives
But relieved at how some of them took what they had learned and moved on
One became a youth minister, another was accepted into one of the best schools in MD
Another went on to the Job Corps
ANd i walked away wondering where were the opportunities for the boys in our hoods
Where were the local business men and leaders that would take them in
I need to teach my son that life is so much bigger than who can run the most touchdowns
Or who is the fastest boy on the team
We've been taught to excel in everything but academics and its crippling the minds of our youth
So I will take the shame of quitting mid season
I will take the taunts of other parents saying "he couldnt pay"
I've talked with my son and he understands the nature of business and ethics
and so now I'll contact the league board and tell them that we will see them next year maybe

One Love,Mario D'Andre Robinson
COO / President Marketing & New Media
www.zealotdandresdream.com
http://echoesoflostgenerations.blogspot.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 012 08/22/06

I cant seem to get focused at work these days
Things just dont add up anymore
We are in a newly renovated 6 figure office space
But the majority of the people work from home
With exception to myself and one other co-worker
There are two others that come in occasionally
But it's lonely here
I get in to IBM at 6:30am each day
When all I can hear is the hum of the air conditioning
And the rapid sound of my fingers typing
I watched Fantasia Burrino's story last night
I see why so many connected with her
She had a real story about some real life situations
And it was a significant story of hope and triumph
I wondered how much of it was romanticized and added to
in order for hollywood to buy into the story
Overall it was a good look though
I related to her father when he signed the contract
Lost the rights to his music
I have a box of CDs in my garage right now
Cant sell them, Cant do anything with them
I Didnt get a lawyer, didnt even sign a contract
Just took the word that I would be compensated
I've come from such a long way
I cant even began to tell the story of my journey
I grew up in the country
In a house with no indoor sewage line
No running water inside the house
No air conditioner only a gas heater with a tank that we could barely afford to keep full
But my story is not one of sadness
It's an adventure fit for greek literature
An exciting ride full of journey's that people
only read about.
Maybe I should write the story
Its allmost 9am now. I started this blog at 7:30am
My thoughts are too scattered
My company needs so much that its hard focusing on the bigger picture
So I have to take one step at a time now
I cant rush it
Everyone around me is rushing
A guy that once recorded at my house just got a deal with universal
Others got major management deals
I'm still here fighting independantly
Holding my team and our dreams close to my heart
Waiting patiently for the right hands to put them in
We're on to something exciting and inspiring
And the masses wont immediately latch on to it
We have to earn our crowd one person at a time
Word of mouth, beating the pavement
Guerilla marketing tactics
This is the biggest challenge of my life
I'm watching my team grow and thinking...
How can I feed all these people
I just need some fish and a loaf of bread
Maybe I can pull a Christ like miracle
Actually I have no choice. have to make this work
I have to chase my dream until the end
We need $5,000 immediately, I need an investor not bent on making a quick return
Me and my biz partner Lonnie J (crazy how it doesnt feel right to just say "partner" anymore)
The world is changing...
So me and my biz partner talk weekly about how to mold this corporation
We already have an idea of who and what we need
We need lots of volunteers and people willing to work on a project to project basis
We need an online street team and local street teams in each city
If you or anybody you know wants to help build a legacy
Email mariodrobinson@yahoo.com today
I guess I'm going to do some work
I cant really focus on blogging today
Too much is going on

Voting is currently underway for the 5 Point Emcee Contest in Atlanta, GA
We invite you to support our movement by clicking the following link and
voting for your favorite MC. Leave a comment as well.
Let us know what you "really" think. www.thefreshmovement.com


One Love,Mario D'Andre Robinson
co-CEO / President Marketing & New Media
www.zealotdandresdream.com
http://echoesoflostgenerations.blogspot.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 011 08/15/06

I dedicate this journal to a very special lady
A young mother who has just entered motherhood for the first time
I've sat in the background and watched her struggle
Her last few months of highschool were hard
The baby's father claims no responsibility
Everyone around her continues life as if her condition doesnt exist
Which may be the thing that has kept her strong up until now
Just knowing that she was going to have to do this on her own when it came down to it
So many people pointing fingers and looking for someone to blame
As if blame can make the 9.5 pound baby girl in her stomach dissappear
I listened as she told me that she was attacked
Possibly by associates of the baby's father
Still no police nor family assistance...
They said there was not enough proof
To this day the entire situation puzzles me
Situations like these in which you know that someone is lying
I've watched her face though as it runs through the pains of pregnancy
She rarely yells out
Rarely mumbles or even complains
Almost as if she is scared that she will offend someone
I want to tell her to scream so bad
You know?
Just yell and let out all the frustration
But she carries her load in silence
She was a week past due and we visited her again
Her hands and feet swollen as her body prepares itself naturally for the events to come
We walked and walked for what seems like hours
Around the mall, through the zoo, we walked as if there wasnt a tomorrow
And we had to walk forever to preserve today
I watched as her stomach tightened and still she showed no signs of pain outside of mild facial expressions
She would whisper to me "I'm tired."
And I would tell the group to let us rest.
She would say "I'm hungry" but wouldnt ask for food.
So I would tell someone to get her what she wanted.
It was as if she felt that she was an inconvenience to those around her.
Who had imposed such a harsh punishment?
Her family continued to walk far ahead of her often not looking back to check on her
So me and my wife would fall back to walk with her
Maybe she wasnt as bad off as I thought
Maybe she could walk around the zoo and be a week over due with no problems
But why would anyone want to take that chance!
My sons need another cousin. the family needs another branch on the tree
I was proud that she rarely complained in the open
Who had led this young lady to feel this way and harness so much frustration
But in the end she wins
She never allowed any of it to turn her around
No adoption going here, she will keep her daughter
She stayed humble through it all
and early monday morning, she gave birth to her baby girl
A nice size package for a first go around
I pray that while everyone else focuses on the negatives of her situation
that she can move on and love her daughter with all the love that she "was not" getting
I pray that she doesnt waste all her energy fighting for a father that doesnt want his baby
I pray that she has the courage to move from her environment to seek a better life
It's been a long time since I witnessed anything so sad
She was dropped off at the hospital by her family
Her mom stays on the other side of town and was at work
Left to face the unknown possibilities of childbirth on her own
So we contacted her through phone calls and text messaging
Told her to call anytime as we waited for her mother to arrive.
And I prayed for her all night.
I was relieved when my wife told me that she had decided to take the epidural
At least she wouldnt have to deal with all of the pain alone
The drugs would help her
And they called me on Monday morning and said it was over
I gave a sigh of relief and said Thank God in my mind
Another victory had just been one by the Angels in heaven
And Lord knows that this was a battle that was far from easy
So now we enter into the secnd phase.
We have to pray that she raises a great woman
But for now her mom is my new super hero
And anything she needs within good reason I will be here for her

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
www.zealotdandresdream.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 010 08/07/06

From somewhere amid all the havoc and frustration
I have gathered the strength to go into overdrive
I completed version 2 of our website www.zealotdandresdream.com !!
I woke up at 4:50am and did my stretches / excercises
I'm so focused right now
I've been telling myself all month repeatedly that
"I WILL NOT LOSE!" "I WILL NOT LOSE"
And everytime an obstacle appears this is my response.
I have a legacy to build
I got some partners willing to put in an equal or greater amount of work
Each one talented and willing to walk in their own element
ANd I realize that this is how a successful machine operates
Take the car for example
The battery gives fire to the altenator and then steps out the picture
The alternator churns and gets the engine going creating the energy and power
The car needs to operate without the battery,
The gas tank feeds fuel to the car as needed, the windshield wipers wait
Patiently until there is water to be removed
the headlights sleep until the sun is gone
Each part waiting patiently for its turn
And I love this analogy for it allows me to see how we can be successful
In our relationships, in business, on our jobs
Everyone has a role to play and only when you can be humble enough
To operate within your strength and take leadership from the appropriate parts
When you can check your emotions and follow the overall flow of the machine
Then you can go somewhere
Sometimes I've felt like two tires on an axle rolling across the country
No steering, no real power, just will power and determination
Yelling, "I WILL NOT LOSE"
And even to this day my machine runs
I've learned how to operate without the parts that dont perform according to plan
My windshield wipers may not work so I put rainEx on the glass, you know!
My power steering goes slack so then I tighten up on the steering wheel
I guess you get the overall point right now
And then there are times when I have to replace parts or people
Getting rid of any negative in my life
Blocking out hate, anger, jealousy, unruly behavior, all hinderances to my cause
I guess sometimes I like to ride alone, just me and the Big Homie (God)
I take the time to see where I'm going
I ride until I can see my overall goal and then I focus on it and lock in on it

In family news, my 16mth old has learned how to climb fences
We spend the majority of our afternoons watching my 9yrold at football practice
And the baby has learned to say butt-ball (football in baby language)
He also constantly chants "hut-Hut", I do believe I have created a monster (lol!)
So he can get two feet and two hands on the a fence and then he just stands there and shakes
Like a miniature King Kong. He climbs the bleachers with the strength of a 4yr old
While my 9yr old is a beast on the field. Something like a gentle giant
I felt sorry each time they put an opponent in his path
He's not a big kid, small actually, but hits with the power of a mack truck
I felt sorry when he knocked the breath from one of his good friends
I heard the hit from the baseball dugouts
Funny thing is he spent the night with the kid that night
I love the innocence of childhood relationships
Guess that's why the bible says we have to have the same mind
Have to be able to be molded and sculpted into something brand new
Cant hold on to the past , but must always strive to be better taking critique like champions

I'm starting to love what I do again
Networking, Designing, Building companies from the ground up, helping others,
I've made it through a great storm this year,
from January through August, I've fought
Finances, family, work, sickness
To be able to stand on the other side now and look back is a beautiful feeling
I'm unscarred, untouched
I've gained 5x's as much wisdom as I went in with
And I will cherish that because I know that another storm is right around the corner
Some say that you dont always have to struggle
I say that suffering brings perfection
By this model by the time I'm in my 80's or much sooner I'll have experienced it all
I'll have won many battles, external and internal
I'll be ready to recieve my crown of life
All because I rejoiced through my suffering, All because I looked sickness, misfortune, pain, heartache, and death in the eye
And said "I WILL NOT LOSE!"

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
http://echoesoflostgenerations.blogspot.com
http://sketchbookdiaries.blogspot.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 009 08/04/06

I'm wondering today if there is a such thing as predestination
It seems as if we have free choice
And those choices are what shapes our paths
Predistination would imply that those choices were already fated
Thats a big concept to grasp
I had a dream last night that made me think
There was a girl in it from my youth
She looked to be in her 30's now and we crossed paths
We shared the same awkward stare we used to share quite often
And she said "If I werent married I would be Mrs. Mario Robinson."
What she said was so sincere and felt so true
I replied something to the effect of "I know if I werent married it would probably be"
I woke up questioning the theory of fate
I've never had much hope in the Next life time theory
Ive learned to respect my decisions and love / live in them with all my heart
But for just that one moment I wondered if she was having the exact same dream
Do people eons apart share moments in dreams and never know?
from what I've heard she has had a hard life,
Mom passed several years ago, married early
But we never shared any moment outside of flirty statements and awkward stares
Never dated, never wnet to school together
Just someone who I crossed paths with often until about 1998
So the dream was odd
Then I think of how people misread dreams like this
Even I feel guilty to some degree as I wake up and see my wonderful wife lying next to me
Then again who am I to question God and his reasons for giving us dreams and/or visions
Maybe the dream was meant to inspire conversation about choices and fate
And was telling me to slow my choices down and make them carefully
For even I can see that my life is heading in some Bold Exciting new directions
Just celebrated my 2yr wedding anniversary
Business is looking great
Kids are growing strong
I visited www.emptyvessel.org this week
Me and my biz partner Lonnie J
And we ended up engulfed in hours of conversation around christ and the church
All three of us myself, Gerry Mansfield, and Lonnie J all from different backgrounds
And we came to one understanding within minutes of meeting
And that was that "God is love, and if we all have God (as we claim) then we must love one another unconditionally" regardless of what we are labeled as
Gerry described how they give away their music
Explained how people are more likely to listen and appreciate a gift
They operate off of donations
From the looks of it, their artist and other contributors keep their machine running
And such a beautiful vision it is
Lonnie J. won an MC contest and was promised a 3 song demo deal
We were concerned that since we werent officially labeled as "Christian" rappers
They wouldnt allow us to record
But after hours of conversation we all found ourselves to be in agreeance
Music was universal and as long as the message inspires, teachs and motivates towards a greater good
then it was worthy of any good cause
Then Gerry broke down the contracts to us
The artist raises as much money as they can to help out
They set a goal to raise $1500
They record 7 songs for free
They recieve 10% of all CD donations
They recieve 90% of all concert donations
I was impressed in that this model resembles how Christ survived
How he traveled took what ever people would give and did carpenters work to get by
And I knew that this was a blessed organizations
I understood the struggles behind such a machine though
Financing each project seems stressful and a great burden
Without a great team they wouldnt be possible for much longer
The only negative aspect of Gerry's pitch was that they would own the masters
Which works for me but for a lot of artist, those masters are their lifeline
Then a for profit company like mine would lose the value behind a music catalogue
The sole purpose of my company is to build a legacy
And what kind of corporation could my son run when I am gone
If all the product was free
So the hardest challenge of our meeting still is figuring out how to merge the concepts
Of a for profit corp with a non-profit organization
Both have to make money, one takes donations, the other relies on product sales
And so far I have no answer
I personally would love to be apart of the empty vessel artist listing
Would love to give my music for free around the world
And if the opportunity arises I would personally give them a 7-10 song collection of my words
I would produced it as well and perform at any venue
as long as those performance locations and times dont put a strain on my relationship with my wife and kids
While at the same time I dont see that as an option for my other partners
Lonnie J and Realitee
We are in the business of building product for resale
We give shows for free, build some websites for free, consult for free
And give our love and friendship fro free to all who will accept
On the other side, I'm looking for animators and illustrators to join my team
We have visions of a comic and animated short series
So if you know anybody please have them contact me
I've interview two guys already
While I was impressed with their work
I'm less impressed with their assessability
No phone, one doesnt have transportation, and the other works two jobs
And although I truly understand their situation I battle the thought of not using them based on this
My comapny started as a place that took people like this in
Because I have and still end up in their situation yearly
I guess it all comes down to how I want to run the company
I think now that I want to help people like this
Dont want to turn them away and have them find some negative way to get out their dreams
SO Zealot D'Andre's DREAM, LLC has to find ways to make these relationships work
At anytime during these blogs if you have suggestions
Please submit them
This is a chance to watch a company grow from the ground up
Right now there is myself, Lonnie J., Rodney Wilson II, Brian Mcgee, Pascale McGee, Deshawn Marks and those are the only people who I can truly count on
I'm at IBM now so I guess I need to complete my projects for the day
I still contemplate contacting empty vessel about doing a De'Blak project.
I have to discuss it with my partners but I do feel like we have to do something to help their movement
And while we think it over, you should go there and donate whatever
Whether it's cash, or a service
Whether it's getting them a connection to cash or a service
There is something that each of us can do to help great movements
Me and Gerry Mansfield see eye to eye
I offer Him this word to use at their discretion
We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.

One love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
http://http://echoesoflostgenerations.blogspot.com/

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 008 07/21/06

Yesterday I saw a dude step out of a nice shiny BMW
It had to be about 95 degrees outside almost as if hell had opened up a window
Why did dude have on a blue Hawaiian shirt and corduroys!?
He was sweating so bad that his hair was matted to his neck
I wondered if the car was costing too much for him to shop
Or if money allowed you to be like F it?
I’ve been working 12 hour days all week
So I guess you can imagine the type of thoughts that race through my head these days
After the first 12 hour day you get very tired
By the second you are so tired that you hallucinate while making the hour trek home each night
By the third day life and all things are moving in slow motion
Almost as if you are on some wonder drug
Right now it’s the fourth day and I’m numb to the tiredness
I cant sleep now
I’ve grown used to this and I know that I am going to pass out soon
Cant rest though
My son has football camp bright and early Saturday morning
Did I ever mention that my wife is so sexy to me
That’s like an added bonus in a marriage
Funny thing is that we didn’t fall in love from lust
It started as a long distance relationship
Sometimes I still think that our conversations apart are better than the personal ones
A phone call or email or instant message…
Crazy how technology influences us these days
So we fell for each other and she moved to GA to marry
two kids later we are still together
Still attracted to each other
Our wedding anniversary is coming up on the 31st
And honestly its going to have to be a creative day, because I am going through some hard times financially
It’s taking every bit of energy I can gather just to keep my head above water
Cant lose my business, Cant lose my house, Cant lose my job, Cant lose my family
SO I’m treading with all the rage of an Olympic Swimmer stuck in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with only a glimmer of a island in the far distance
And sometimes after all that to come home to a sexy lady makes you forget about the pain for a minute…
I’m getting crazy flack for wanting to sell my house and get an apartment for a minute
I need to cut my cost of living in order for my family and business to thrive
I need to get my credit score up and save at the same time
401K seems like a joke, the stock market is sheisty
So I have only my talents to rely on
An apartment will subtract the worries of home maintenance, yearly taxes and the never ending stress of my Uncle (the co-signer) threatening that I’m messing his credit up
That’s the one reason I don’t like people helping me out
It almost always comes back to bite you in the butt
Here’s a guy that has never seen my house, hasn’t had to spend one dime on it, didn’t even show up at the closing
So I had to sign twice as many paper once for me and once for him (if you’ve bought a home you know about the stack of paperwork!)
And after all that he asks for $2,000 of my equity….
I just got a tear in my eye
I really don’t think this is the way God intended for me to go
So to all my doubters, this is why I must get an apartment
Before you can rebuild you have to destroy
I can afford any home I want, just need to get out of a bad deal
dang… it kind of feels good to get that off my chest
Don’t get me wrong I love my Uncles and family
One recently lent me a great sum of money and trusted me to pay him back
I love him for that. He’s actually always been there for me
And you never hear nothing else about your situation from him
I see God in his actions and aspire to be like him
My job (IBM) don’t want to issue overtime to me for working 12 hour days all week
So its Friday and I’m not doing NOTHING!
May even go catch a movie.
I want to see superman but everyone says it sucks
What do you think? Have you seen it?
While I’m getting stuff off my chest I want to question why are men horny each morning?
Is there something in our genetic make up that makes us think of sex each morning
Do I have enough honest male readers to comment on that
Well my female readers please do comment
Sometimes I fight it with all my might,
Then other times I find myself spooned up with my wife imaging she was waking up lol!
And after lying there for about 10min, I either fall asleep or wake up realizing that she isn’t going to roll over and give me any yum-yum
And that’s usually how my day starts.
I’m thinking now if that’s a curse or something?
Do I need help? Do I need porn?
Lol! The radio station in ATL calls a porn addiction a “Kirk Franklin” now
That’s too funny also ironic
Why are we so infatuated with watching it,
Do we all have hidden fantasies that we are too scared to work out
Are we thinking of our significant other or that person on the screen who we will never touch
I found out later in life that women were just as addicted to it as men
I spent a great many of my early years addicted to it
But now I’d rather watch my wife lay around in the nude
Doing subtle stuff
Secretly tempting me, waiting for me to “jump her bones” as she calls it
I guess I’m no better
I’ve been hooked on closing the door and doing the same since we first met
I remember her saying when we first met that she may need to see what she’s working with before she marries
I casually showed her! Lol!
Don’t know if what I did was politically correct or not but we’re still together
And she married me.
I’m practicing being more open now
To make my blogs more like journal entries.
Too many people have blogs now
But I want you to hear my innermost thoughts, my echoes…

One Love,
Mario D’Andre Robinson
http://echoesoflostgenerations.blogspot.com/

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 007 07/18/06

Yesterday was my moms birthday
I told her happy birthday and gave her $10 that I had been trying to give her for a week now
I'm watching Lord of the Rings the two towers right now
And I'm learning so much from the plights of mighty men
Men who hold high their standards
I watched as some couldnt deny themselves the temptation of the ring
While others succesfully fought off its seducing powers
The most humble men, The quietest, the most reserved
And I imagine myself in their shoes
I am much like them in my day to day life
Refusing to let go of the good that dwells in me
Helping others before I help myself
And even now, as I reflect back on that I see the error of so many
Believing that they have to make themselves perfect before they can help others
I suggest that we can draw from the good that is in us
We all have something to share, some way to help others
And at no time can we ever give up
Even if there is a chance that we may be harmed along the way
And in that sense I feel that I am a King
And all those that feel likewise shall also take their perspective titles as Kings and Queens
We are the few that recognize life as being about more than what glitters and gleams
We are those that feel there is some hope within a few of us
My wife just called
It seems my sons have pink eye
and the oldest also has poison Ivy
What a way to end your summer huh?
I
My soul is overcome with a will to go on
I truly believe that I server a greater purpose
Even while some say that I am doing good things
There has to be more that i can do...

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
htp://www.dandresdream.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 006 07/17/06

I've been up since 4:45am
Practicing getting up early now. School starts on Aug7th!
So I have to prepare to beat the traffic each morning
cant believe its been over a month since I last wrote
You guys really have to get on me when I'm slacking
Life is still just as hard as always for a young entrepreneur
So many obstacles hurl themselves at you daily
Family, work, business, friends etc..
I'm starting to wonder if I will ever get a break
the only thing that I do know is that I will never give up
My hopes and dreams are all I have left
And I want to build a legacy
I want to set a foundation that will support generations after me
I envision a corporation, a powerhouse of associated companies
Providing jobs for the poor and a place for the creative minded to express themselves
I've missed my two sons terribly this summer
My youngest was gone for but a week and it seemed like forever
The eldest nearly a month
The house seems to groan and creak when they are not around
The halls seem long and lonely
No little padding of footprints can be heard running up and down them
I miss watching my 13mth old son Jett slide down the steps like a penguin on ice
He's back now and trying to walk up the steps
He stands on the first and holds the rail
Then he lets go and crawls to the next step
He stands on that step and touches the rail and repeats the process (lol)
In his mind he is walking up the steps like an adult
I missed wrestling with him before bedtime eachnight
He laughs as he tries to stick his fingers in my ears and mouth
I tickle him and roll over him like a steamer in return
We repeat this and laugh until both of us can barely keep our eyes open
I was lazy all weekend. Had so much to do
Maybe it was the heat
We havent run our AC much this summer.
Simply cost too much
So I sat around most the weekend after riding to South Carolina to pick Jett up
I have so many friends that I miss
Ones who I havent seen or spent time with in a while
Does marraige do that to you?
Do everyone take off running in the opposite direction when you are married?
Can I get a lunch? A phone call? Anything?
Me and my wife have had a great time while the kids were gone
Finding new areas in the house to "jungle wrestle"
I've spent more time this week in my birthday suit than I have in a long time!
I guess thats too much info, but you should really try it
Especially those that dont have kids and no roomates
Young couples especially
Come home, lock the doors, close the blinds and be free!
I promise you that your relationship will be enhanced after the first week
Ok let me not promise, you may have some issues on the table
and this procedure requires peace of mind before freeing your body!
I have a lot of work to do today so I must go now
I'm going to attempt to write more frequently and even start a sketch blog.
Thats right! I'm drawing again!!!!

One Love,
Mario D'Andre Robinson
www.zealotdandresdream.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 005 06/14/06

It's been quite a while since I last wrote anything
I'm watching Harrison Ford's "firewall" and am actually surprised
Kind of cool to see him still doing great action movies
I've been gone for a while I know
Life has been beating me like a runaway slave
But I've taking my beating like a man and made it through
It all started when my car overheated on the way to work
$1500 transmission damage
My savings was exhausted and it seemed I had no where to turn
I was down to my last option of selling my stocks
I had to kick my pride to the curb and ask for help
My uncle stepped in and came through with no questions asked
I've always maintained that I had a great family
I got my car back and the same thing happened
That was when I found out that I had accidentally put some unknown fluid in my radiator
I went home and checked the container marked "Antifreeze" and sure enough...
It wasn't antifreeze
So was all this my fault
This only made things feel worse for me
I had killed my car unknowingly
I was mad at the dealership at first for telling me it was a transmission problem
Then I remembered that the transmission was effected
It was 5,000 miles past my hundred thousand mile service time
Then my wife is mad at the dealer
So I got all these angry and confused people around me
and none of them are helping the situation
My bank account was negative at this point
I remember my homeless brothers and sisters
I smiled because through them I had seen that life was still not over
Their testimonies gave me strength to push on
I calmed down and talked to my business partners
Lonnie J and Rodney were there as usual
I didnt need their knowledge of cars
Didn't need their money
Didn't even need a ride from them
What I did need were their positivity
I needed their encouragement
ANd like clockwork they came through as always
So I was breathing again, floating with a negative bank account and not knowing how I was getting from point A to point B
That's when God starting working
They always say that he may not come when you want him but he's always right on time.
my father called and said "why didnt you tell me you had no car!"
I was just so used to him not being able to help me financially
I never thought to ask him for help
My father was car pooling now and said I could drop him off and take his lincoln to work
It was a hard lesson learned that life is not always about finance
But about people loving and working together to overcome adversity
The dealership offered to help me get a new car
So we negotiated for a full day ending with me walking out
No car, still trusting God
Knowing that I shouldnt take something that will make me worse off than I am now
And $848 per month for 4 years would punish me severely (lol)
So I told them to call me when they could do better or I would just drive my car until it blew up!
I managed to save up around $600 to complete the repairs on my car
At this point I was behind 2 car notes and late on several other bills
Still surrounding myself with positive conversation
Still praying daily
And on friday the dealership called and said they got a better offer
I went in on Saturday with my wife who I asked to cosign
Had to lose a little pride to do that, but I managed
I kept my cool and sent back several offers until
I finally walked away with the keys to a 2006 jeep grand cherokee
they payed off the $10,300 I owed on my last car
They payed the $600 I owed to get it fixed
They paid for my tag and title registration (which was due on my birthday on the 16th of june)
And I walked away back at point A!
revived
$10.47 in my bank account
I wasnt thinking about the nice SUV I had just gotten
Even to this day it doesnt mean nearly as much as the help I received from family and friends
My wife sacrificing to drive me to work and pick me up
My dad lending me his Lincoln
My Uncle giving me cash
My partners giving me positivity and encouragement
So when I'm riding I think not of the vehicle
It's merely a tool to get from point A to point B
But the relationships i've built over the years are priceless
And for those alone i am smiling
I smile because of a closeness to God that i've got these past weeks
I breath easy as my bank account grows back each week
And I understand the power of faith even more
I think of the song I recorded called "I've Got Nothing" and also one called "if I should Lose"
Where I speak on the fact that if I lose everything that I've ever owned
God knows that I will be alright!
And to be able to lose so much so fast (money, car, etc) and still come out smiling
I know that my words are not just hollow attempts to make melody
You should know that my words are my life
And you shouldnt write off my music as simply "entertainment"
Words are very powerful tools that can make or break a man
And I'm proud to say that my words have been fulfilled
My soul feels free, I've proven to myself that I can live by my own standards
Kind of like I've gotten another beam out of my own eye...
And now...
I start again.

One Love
Mario D'Andre Robinson
www.zealotdandresdream.com

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 004 05/22/06

This was the weekend we conquered stone mountain
It's a bonding thing I do with my son
Although my wife finds it hard letting us have our moments
So we are halfway up the mountain and get a phone call
She and my brother's fiance are on their way with my 12mth old son
All the peace I had aquired immediately left
As I imagined her struggling to walk the rugged trail
with a 20lb baby attached to her neck and back
So I sat at the top of the mountain trying to enjoy the scenery
while waiting on them wondering if they would actually make it
My wife has a problematic knee and my brother's fiance was just showing off a bandaid on hers
Where they just wanting to prove a point?
Not wanting to feel like less than equal
Or in my wife's case just not liking being told what to do
So they left the other kids with the rest of our party and decided to make the hike
I imagine them making it up on stubborness,
Talking about us men the entire way up
Envoking every negative memory they could using it as strength!
I was relieved to see them on their way up, when we were just descending
While we had a great time hiking
It was me, my son Niree, brother's Anthony and Jerald of the HBO crew, and Jesse a troubled teen that Anthony mentors.
We were tired ourselves and passed a 42 year old mom with a huge backpack with a kid in it!
She admitted to being a cross country runner, after making fun of us for whining about the hike
We passed a father who had his son doing pushups ontop of one of the rocks
I asked my son Niree what's up with that?
And although I didnt get any pushups, he did about 3 jumping jacks for me :-)
I dont push my son to be some super athelete
I push him to be super academically inclined though
Even though he is one of the leaders on his youth football squad
We focus on books and dream of being scientist and engineers
The football and sports is just a hobby, I have to make sure it's viewed that way
At the half way point, he did about 30 pushups
No doubt in competive mode now,
didnt want the other son to impress his dad more than he could
I Smiled and told him that was enough and to conserve his energy for the rest of the hike
Once at the top we refilled our water bottles and talked for what seemed like an hour
has to be one of my top 10 best ways to clear your mind!
Going up and coming down we passed and met some of the most interesting people
People of all races and ages
An older kid had an obnoxious whistle device and sounded like a duck
Obviously trying to rebel in his own little way
He seemed slightly embarrassed as Anthony yelled "There goes Darkwing Duck!"
My family is quick to clown strangers
I caught several women eyeing my brother's as we walked down
It was funny, because I had fell back some
And didnt seem to be with the group
So I saw older women looking them up and down from head to toe
As if they had some fantasy going on in their heads
I laughed so hard and loud, hoping to embarrass them as we are all spoken for
But it was all in good humor
Some younger girls made Anthony start to plan for his daughter
A group of young black girls seen our group descending
They were at the rest stop
One of them took and tied her t-Shirt tight and raised it to just under her chest
Her shorts were already barely covering her butt
And we walked past in disgust
Thinking of our kids
Praying that we were able to guide them a little better than that
Hoping that they respect their bodies and the men around them
I even teach my sons that
Dont walk around my house in your underwear,
Put some pajamas on at night
Change clothes while you are in the bathroom
Dont want to see you streak across the hall naked after a shower!
But basically instilling seeds that they should respect themselves
and those that are around them
My 12mth old is the only one allowed to enjoy running around naked
and he Thoroughly enjoys it!
In a year or so, I'll be chasing him with a diaper telling him to cover his lil butt up
It's monday and I'm at work now
I have a lot to do for IBM and for my own business
So I guess I will be getting started
A lot more happened this weekend but I wont force you to read anymore
I think you have enough to love me or hate me over...

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 003 05/15/06

... the past is sticking a pole up my behind right now
Around september last year a friend of mine called asking me if he could help my company
He asked for a sample graphic and I gave it to him
Forward a few months...
I get calls that people have seen my ads in the yellow pages?
forward to now....
BellSouth Advertising has been billing me at a rate of $989.70 per month!
My first goal is to preserve the friendship
My second goal is to make it understood that I am not liable for the money on an account that I didnt personally set up
In this atmosphere of Stop Snitching campaigns my conscious keeps me trying to fix the problem
When I could just let it go
It's been a long weekend
my wife is having dreams of little girls
Infants...
We had decided to stop at two and we have reached that goal
I'm cool if there is one on the way
She is not
I love kids and have all the patience in the world for them
She loves them but has no patience
I love her to death
Just today she drafted a letter to Oprah Winfrey that depicted us so poor
That I felt absolutely horrible about myself for a few seconds
Then I though… wait! This aint right…
but that’s here willing to go above and beyond to get things done
We are two different people and we realize that all the time
Wouldn’t do any one thing the same
I guess opposites do attract
They’ve got me sick now
My family
It seems that something has been going around and now its to me
I’m at work now feeling like I’m floating
Dizzy, nauseous, coughing
On top of all that, it’s busy at work
I think my wife is upset because I wont help pitch the story to Oprah
She called me boojee…
I just see too many homeless people and less fortunate people on a daily basis
I know that we can work and save and plan and do whatever our hearts desire
But there are some people out there who generally need help
I enjoyed Auburn Fest in Atlanta this weekend
I took my son to meet my homeless friends who I see each week
They seemed surprised that I would take time out to see them on weekends
Junior’s eyes were bloodshot as if he had been drinking all morning
Curt was working the parking lot where they slept
Directing cars in while calling his boss a faggot behind his back
And every time he cursed he looked at my son Jett and said “I’m sorry lil man!”
This was my wife’s first time at this event
She forgot to get cash and was more mad at herself
I was surprised to see so many corporate sponsors
The festival has grown since I last seen it
Companies are realizing that minorities drive business
Everyone was there from Starbucks to Crystal Lite
Vibe Vixen bragged on stage with Kelly from destinies Child
I tried to get my son to get an autograph with the other kids
He refused.
I think he only loves beyonce.
I jokingly told him he doesn’t like dark skin people like myself
My youngest, Jett enjoyed himself
We lay in the grass and he laughed and slobbered on my chest and face as I threw him into the air and caught him
It seemed that the crowd was growing thicker as we left
And the dude on the corner started play freak out on his guitar
Which was plugged in to one of the cheap karaoke radios
He only seemed to know the chorus
Then he stopped in the middle and asked me to spare some change
I told him the festival had took all my money!
Since when did a polish sausage cost $5 with no drink and no fries?
I gave my wife $10 and she came back with a big Turkey leg and one Polish Sausage
I was mad at that, we should have went to a restaurant on Auburn
That was basically my weekend right there
Finished up some work for some clients
So much more to do
Produced about 3 new tracks
Now ready for another week…

Echoes of My Generation: Journal 002 05/12/06

**this was written during the time when I was courting my current wife**
04/06/2004 1:58PM
I’m so at odds with myself at this very moment
I feel a need to resurge everything that got me to this very point in life
Its time for a revival within my inner being
My art and my music has to step forth now
I need its healing powers
I’ve experiencing so many wonderful emotions and feelings
And writing once a week cannot capture it all
I’m overflowing with a need to vent
My weekend was good, but I find myself not wanting to write about it
Seems as if the only day I remember is Sunday
Like I blocked out every thing before
Everything up to that day seemed to be a blur
I was very quiet
Had a headache after the long drive there
I couldn’t find Kima’s job according to her directions
So I rode around for over an hour
Had to stop and get chocolate
And by the time we got to her house I was ready to pass out
And I kept telling myself that at least I was there
Even after the guy in blockbuster refused to let us get a movie
I told myself that it was cool at least I was here
And I had a disturbing dream that night
I was dreaming that I was scared to sleep
Scared that something would get me if I closed my eyes
And then I drifted off….
I woke up with an old ex in the bed with me
I felt myself fighting to get her out
Kima walked in and simply said "Ok"
And in the next minutes the girl was on the way to the hospital for stitches
Word was that she had been cut down her face
I told Kima that I didn’t want to go back to sleep
That I needed her there
And if she couldn’t be there then to at least let the kids sleep there
So I fell asleep with kids sleeping all around me
As if I needed their innocence to protect me
To keep me innocent
Then I jumped up sweating and I was alone in Niree’s bed
I couldn’t go back to sleep so I waited until I heard Nikima’s alarm go off
Heard her use the restroom
And then went into her room
Didn’t want to do much that day
Between the dog attempting to eat me
And Nikima’s mom attempting to exercise her authority
Nothing really got done
We managed to find time to take some pictures,
And I grew sleepy as Kima did her homework
And by the time Niree was ready for bed, I was too
And the day was done…
I only just now remember the church I went to on Sunday
We drove to Virginia and I was calm as I looked at the beautiful mountain sides
A strong wind blowing, moving the car as we rode.
I seen a red canary fly past the car.
Wondered if it was an omen.
But I’ve never been scared of people
Maybe that will be a fault one day
To fear no man, may mean to underestimate a worthy opponent.
We arrive late and I don’t think Nikima
Knows that I’m hardly ever late
And while she gets her stockings on,
Me and Niree decide to go in
Her mom is upfront singing wonderfully
And the music is going and the people are lively
And I feel at home
I see their stares but it doesn’t bother me
I sense their questions, but I clap my hands
As if I’ve been going there all my life
Only when the preacher gets into the "Turn and Tell your neighbor…"
Part of the sermon do I realize that I’m just a visitor.
Whoever started that anyway?
Started as a tactical device to keep a crowd alive
And I watched as the lady shouted and I thought let her fall!
She’ll be alright, but the sisters held her while her legs gave in and out.
And the brother in the pulpit wanted to fall when the pastor laid her hands on him,
I watched as he swiveled so his back wasn’t towards the chairs
And I looked as the Bass guitarist stood and touched the man’s head
And gently pushed away from the chairs into a safe area
And he, the man fell on the floor and cried
I haven’t seen church like this in a while and could only think of my sister and me.
Our inside joke running in the house and yelling "The Holy Ghost is He-ah!
The Holy Ghost is He-ah!"
To illustrate how we never know whose real or fake.
I just pray that we all take God seriously in our lives and be honest with ourselves and him.
And I know that I need some help in this new venture of mine.
I will need God more so than ever now.
Only I haven’t had a strong urgency until now to get him.
To secure him a spot in my life
I need help that it seems no man or woman can give me right now
I need a spiritual advisor
And I know no better counselor than the Big Guy himself.
As we drove back to NC, I thought that my time was coming soon
I would have to give in to a higher calling one of these days
Just not ready yet God
When the time comes I don’t want to be a slacker
When I can give 110% I’ll be there
Fast forward……
Turned on by the eroticism of Purple Rain, my hands got crunk again that evening
My first time watching
Something about a Prince soundtrack
Sitting in the floor
My hands on Kima’s stomach
A blanket over her body
Her door wide open
I could hear her son’s video game in the next room
She adjusted her self and it seemed as if my hands adjusted themselves
I love sitting with my hands just inside the top of her pants
Such warmth there
Such softness, even the texture of the hairs has an alluring nature
And I asked her if it was alright
If it was okay for me to touch her
She rose up a little as if to say "yeah baby, its alright"
This was the only time we had together that entire weekend
I felt her let go for a minute as she gave in to the moment
She said she felt bad
I had no apology to give her
I felt good…
I wanted her to have that moment more than anything
Then her mom came through the back door
I jumped up and rushed to the bathroom
Prepared for my drive home
It was cold outside
But she was right
As long as she held me the cold seemed to only go around us
Her hair blowing in the wind
Some in my mouth so I’m using my tongue to get it out
Don’t want to let go of her so my hands and arms remain where they are
It’s funny how in moments like this anything you say seems romantic
And the moment is so beautiful
And yet again it was nothing planned
Who new the wind would pick up
And the air would grow cold
On the day I was to leave
Who knew we would stand arm in arm under these circumstances
Scared to let each other go
A catch 22
If we let go we would be consumed by the cold
If we let go I would be leaving
It helped that Niree ran around the corner
And I picked him up over my shoulder as if to say I love you little man
Told him I would see him later
And I rode home
Me driving the speed limit for once
Kima confirming that she wants to move to GA ASAP
Me thinking that would be great
Doesn’t seem like its so much that I have to do anymore
Had thought that there should be this great preparation but…
Seems that if love is unconditional…
Then at that very point marriage should also be
So everyone knows that I am in love
Both our parents cool with the fact
And I assume that its our move
My move like some new reality chess game